


find the one(s) who my soul loves

by Unclesteeb



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Codependency, Depression, M/M, Multi, Sexual Content, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 06:42:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7880512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unclesteeb/pseuds/Unclesteeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I...I never thought I'd feel this way again.”</p><p>“What way?” Sam had asked, puzzled but soothing Steve’s hair down with his palm. </p><p>“Bonded. I forgot how good it felt. I haven't felt it since…” He let himself trail off.</p><p>Sam furrowed his eyebrows. He'd never heard of someone bonding with two people before and if Steve was bonded with another person does that mean-</p><p>“It was with my best friend, Bucky. He, uh, died back in the war.”</p><p>Sam felt Steve’s touch turn blue and sad. He didn't like the feeling. He gave Steve a kiss to try and remedy it. It helped a little. </p><p>“I didn't know you could bond with more than one person.” Sam said, because there wasn't any use in hiding his confusion. When Steve stopped feeling so strongly he'd be able to pick Sam’s confusion out easily. </p><p>Steve kissed him. His touch returned to that pleasant warm orange feeling. Sam let himself smile about it. “Neither did I, but I'm not about to let my second chance pass me by.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	find the one(s) who my soul loves

**Author's Note:**

> In which SamSteveBucky are soul-bonded. It takes them a while to be able to try and figure it all out.
> 
> completely self-indulgent. completely un-beta'd.

Soul bonds weren't really a thing that happened anymore. Sam had heard stories of it from his grandmother and great-grandmother, how back then you'd find someone and when they touched you, your world would just lock into place, the feeling of rightness would be so intense that it would be impossible to overlook. It was some kind of magic, Sam’s great-grandmother had told him, bouncing him on her knee. A kind of magic that nobody knew where it came from or why it disappeared. They had told him as a sort of warning. All the couples in Sam’s family from the great-grandparents on his mom's side to his parents were soul-bonded. It was both a blessing and a curse, to be bonded like that to another person. Sam saw that first hand with his parents. He had never seen two people more in love. His parents radiated happiness. It filled their household, made their children grow up kind and happy. Then Sam’s father had died. His mother had gone from a golden, shining woman to grey and sad. When his father died, his mother's light went with him.

When she was killed, it was almost a relief.

Sam didn't expect to be soul-bonded with anyone. He had fallen hard and fast for Riley when they had met. He expected that after their tours were over the two of them would spend the rest of their lives together. He hadn't expected to lose Riley to an RPG before that got a chance to happen.

When he had met Steve Rogers, that fateful morning when he was just going for a run, he hadn't expected anything of it. Maybe it’d be good for Steve to have a fellow soldier to talk to. Maybe it’d be good for Sam to have Steve around too. But when their hands had touched when Steve had helped him off the ground, Sam didn't expect to feel it.

It started in his chest, growing warm, then it spread out to his limbs and grew and spread. Sam felt his soul click into place. He knew. Steve hadn't said anything, just flirted back with Sam and went on his mission. It wasn't until after Steve had visited him at the VA, when they were back at Sam’s apartment eating pizza that Steve had said something.

He had gone quiet for a minute then asked, “You felt it too?” He didn't need to specify what. He did, he did.

They had spent the night breathing each other in, touching each other and enjoying the pinpricks of electricity that spread out from where their skin touched. They had taken off all their clothes and laid skin on skin next to each other. Sam knew from the stories that every time wouldn't feel like this. That the feeling would fade when his body got used to the soul-bond. Steve had looked up at him in awe and finally brushed their lips together. They weren't in a rush, they had the rest of their lives after all. Steve had kissed him slow and reverent, tasting him, exploring Sam’s mouth with his tongue. Sam had eaten it up, moaned around the feeling of rightness filling his body. 

Steve had broken the kiss off, panting, a little overwhelmed. The warm orange feeling from his fingertips shifted to a light red, alerting Sam of his feelings. “I...I never thought I'd feel this way again.”

“What way?” Sam had asked, puzzled but soothing Steve’s hair down with his palm. 

“Bonded. I forgot how good it felt. I haven't felt it since…” He let himself trail off.

Sam furrowed his eyebrows. He'd never heard of someone bonding with two people before and if Steve was bonded with another person does that mean-

“It was with my best friend, Bucky. He, uh, died back in the war.”

Sam felt Steve’s touch turn blue and sad. He didn't like the feeling. He gave Steve a kiss to try and remedy it. It helped a little. 

“I didn't know you could bond with more than one person.” Sam said, because there wasn't any use in hiding his confusion. When Steve stopped feeling so strongly he'd be able to pick Sam’s confusion out easily. 

Steve kissed him. His touch returned to that pleasant warm orange feeling. Sam let himself smile about it. “Neither did I, but I'm not about to let my second chance pass me by.”

They made love then, since there wasn't a question about the rightness between them. There was no ‘what if’. When Sam’s orgasm crashed around him, fireworks exploded behind his eyes. 

They slept curled around each other and in the morning Steve had given him one last kiss before slipping off to go to work.

Sam didn't hear from Steve for another day and a half, until Steve showed up at his apartment broken and bloodied with the redhead who picked him up the first day they met. 

“Everyone we know is trying to kill us.” She told Sam.

“Not everyone.”

When he had tossed the folder on to the table at Steve he knew what he was getting into. He knew he might not make it back but he knew he couldn't stand the thought of having Steve’s light ripped from his soul this quickly. He knew he needed to be there for Steve, he played it off nonchalantly and hoped that Steve could read between the lines. 

“Captain America needs my help…”

_I need to be able to do this for you._

Steve could.

Then they found out that the assassin who was hunting them was Bucky, the other part of Steve’s soul. 

It had been crazy for a while. Sam almost didn't feel it, the explosion of warmth that spread from his chest when, apparently, the second man bonded to his soul tried to kick him to his death. 

When Steve finally opened his eyes in his hospital bed, he looked at Sam like he already knew. The three of them were joined at the soul, and they needed to find a way to get Bucky back.

After Sam had touched Bucky, he felt this empty ache inside him. He spent a lot of time dwelling on it. The empty ache hurt in an indescribable way, down to the bones in his toes. When he and Steve weren't together Sam didn't smile as much, he didn't laugh as easily, but he still knew that Steve was there with him. If Steve had to go away for Avengers business Sam felt Steve’s presence inside him still, their bond growing stronger and stronger. He couldn't reach Bucky, couldn't feel him at all, just the absence of him. He knew what it was like for his mother when his father had died. He knew what it was like for Steve all those years he thought Bucky dead. Sam made it his job to find Bucky.

The first time he and Bucky met was in a hotel room outside of Wheeling, West Virginia. Sam was following a lead he'd gotten from Natasha. Steve was pried away from their search to go on a mission with the Avengers, so Sam was all alone. 

He'd woken up to a knife on his neck and hot breath in his ear.

“Why are you _following me_?” Bucky had spat at him. 

Sam knew that they needed skin to skin, so he gingerly slid his hand up and around Bucky’s. He heard Bucky's gasp. “Because of that.”

Bucky started shuddering over Sam. “But Steve.” Bucky said, Sam could see his confusion. 

Sam eased Bucky's fingers open and removed the knife from them, then he pulled Bucky on to the bed next to him. Bucky smelled a little rank, like it had been a while since he had showered, but the feeling of Bucky next to him set Sam’s soul in alignment so Sam couldn't give two shits about how the guy smelled. 

“You remember being bonded with Steve?” Sam asked him softly.

Bucky nodded. He was breathing heavily. His touch against Sam’s hand felt a deep red. Sam felt the panic coming off of Bucky in waves. It was overwhelming. 

“Shh, shh.” Sam soothed. “I don't like feeling like that. Calm down. Take a deep breath.”

Bucky did as he was told, the panic only subsided a little. “S-s-so let go of me.”

“No.” Sam said and maybe that was all Bucky needed to hear. Bucky rolled into him, stuffing his face deep into Sam’s neck and breathing him in. He had on probably two different jackets and a shirt or three along with a hat. He trembled against Sam and Sam cupped the back of his neck and held him close, still. 

“You feel so good.” Bucky said, awed. 

“Yeah, well imagine how we would all feel together.”

Bucky whimpered, “I can't, can’t drag Stevie into this right now. You bonded with him too?”

“Yes.”

“Then you'll keep him safe for me. Keep him safe from me. You won't tell him right?”

Sam clicked his tongue, “Bucky, I can't do that. I can't lie. He’ll know. He will feel it.”

“Please try,” Bucky said, “I'll come back eventually just-please try.”

Sam sighed and rested his head against Bucky’s. He feelt so impossibly good and was already starting to panic about the loss of this feeling when Bucky would walk back out that door. “Let's take a shower.” He said, trying to prolong the inevitable. Plus, the more they touched, the better Bucky would feel tonight. Maybe he wouldn't stay away for as long as he wanted to originally.

Bucky let Sam undress him. He watched Sam the entire time, wide-eyed and breathless. “You fly.” He said, raspy, when Sam got all the layers of jackets and shirts off of him.

“I do. It's a machine. Like a jet pack with wings.” 

“Well, I think you're an angel.” Bucky told him. 

Sam’s breath caught at that. He gave an unsure chuckle. “I'm no angel.”

“You're just as beautiful as one.”

Bucky was too. Sam washed the dirt and grime off of him under the spray. Bucky groaned, moaned, his breath hitching on every touch of Sam against him. He was hard against Sam’s hip when he finally leaned down to kiss Sam.

Sam’s vision exploded yellow, orange. A redder version of Steve’s colors. Sam enjoyed the intense feelings of their fresh bond. He tried to savor every kiss, every touch of Bucky’s body against him. He tried to make Bucky feel so good, wrapped both of them up in his hands and swallowed up Bucky’s every cry. 

Bucky panted against his shoulder, clutching on tight with both hands, metal and flesh. Sam felt as Bucky came first, and was too overwhelmed to do anything but follow him.

They had slept naked together, intertwined and in bed. It was obvious that Bucky was far from the person that he once was still, but Sam knew he could get there. He could feel it.

He woke to a cold bed, but the vacant feeling inside him was less painful, less nagging now.

It was a little more than a year after the events in DC with Hydra, that Steve and Tony Stark asked Sam to become an official Avenger. 

Sam said yes and of course and I'm honored because he was. But later, in the confines of him and Steve’s bed, Sam asked, “Can I still look for Bucky?”

And Sam felt himself warm up at the mere mention of the guy’s name. Knew that Steve did too.

Steve choked out something like a sob of a breath. “How long ago?” He asked. 

“Three months.”

“Did he remember me?” Steve asked shakily.

Sam tightened his arms around Steve and Steve melted against him. The blue feeling was back. Sam let it overtake them both. His heart hurt.

“He did. But he didn't really understand much. He's not ready to come back, but he promises he will. He didn't want me to tell you about him.”

“Oh Bucky,” Steve says and the way he says Bucky’s name is full of love and a prayer and a plea all at once. 

“He's coming back,” Sam promises. He kisses Steve hard and hopes that Steve will believe him.

 

The second time Sam meets Bucky is in his old apartment in Washington DC.

Sam had come to finish packing up his apartment. He'd let it sit for a while, just in case he needed a break from Avenging, but found that being that far away from Steve didn't feel very good at all.

Sam had been packing up the last of his picture frames when he heard his bedroom window open and shut. He froze for a moment before the warm feeling of someone his soul had bonded with being near. He had just talked to Steve on video chat and seen him still in New York, so he knew it had to be Bucky.

“Bucky?” He called out.

“Hey Sammy.” Bucky strolled in grinning and yeah, that was new. Bucky looked good, like he'd been gaining weight and taking care of himself. He was still wearing layers upon layers of clothing and was sweating a little in the early-October warmth. Bucky slid up behind him, easy as anything and wrapped his arms around Sam.

“You look better. Ready to come home?” Sam asked, tipping his head back onto Bucky’s shoulder and enjoying the warmth spreading through his body. 

Bucky tensed. Sam did too. “Not yet,” he said quietly. “Look I need to get away for a while.”

“What?” Sam said. “ _why_?”

“I found out something. Remembered something. It's not good. I need to be as far away from you two as possible.”

“Bucky that's stupid.” Sam said, turning to face Bucky. Sam noticed his eyes looked clearer but still so sad. Sam wanted that look to go away forever. He wondered if it ever would. 

“You have to trust me here, Sam. There's a lot I didn't remember before.”

Sam breathed out, and breathed in Bucky. He smelled like stale sweat. “So the solution is leaving? Don't you think that Steve misses you? Don't you think that I'll miss you?”

“I can't put you guys at risk.” Bucky said, looking Sam in the eyes, “I wouldn't be able to stand it if something happened to you because of me. I'm working on fixing it. Please, trust me.”

Sam sighed and his heart felt heavy in his chest, “Okay.” He said, because saying no will have Bucky running out of here and he can't bear the thought of that. 

Bucky nodded and kissed Sam. “How long are you here for?”

“The weekend,” he answered, kissing Bucky rather desperately.

Bucky hummed into Sam’s mouth, “Okay, I'll stay with you and help you pack until then.” 

It was a struggle, to pull himself away from Bucky and actually work. Bucky helped and by dinner time, they had packed up most of Sam’s house. Sam sent Bucky away to shower (both of them had whined about it being alone) and ordered dinner. 

They ate in a comfortable silence, pressed up close in Sam’s bed since it was the last piece of furniture in the apartment. After they were done, Bucky wrapped himself tightly around Sam. Sam watched as his eyes fluttered shut at the feeling. Sam brushed a damp strand of hair out of Bucky's eyes and smiled down at him. It was hard not to smile when he felt so good. 

“Tell me about how you met Steve.” He asked Bucky. He wanted to hear what Bucky remembered, but also was genuinely curious. Steve didn't offer much about his life with Bucky before he crashed the plane into the ice. 

“Well back then it wasn't legal to be with a man.” Bucky said quietly. “More people bonded then than they do now. I think eventually people got tired of feeling like they were forced to be with someone else, so they either ignored their bond or never sought it out.”

“Yeah, being able to bond has never left my family. My grandparents warned me about it when I was young. My sister, she's only 27 and has a son, Jody. She didn't bond with her husband. The first one in the family not to.”

“What if she meets someone she bonds with?”

“I asked her the same question. She said she doesn't care. I thought I was going to marry, well back then we couldn't marry, but spend the rest of my life with my old wingman, Riley.”

“What happened to him?” Bucky asked, opening his eyes. 

“He died.” 

Bucky swore. Sam felt the blue radiating off of his skin on to Bucky, knew that Bucky feels what he's feeling. “I'm sorry.” He says, sounding so badly like he means it.

“Me too.”

Bucky shifted them so that Sam’s cradled in his arms. Eventually, the blue feeling faded slowly. When Bucky started to notice he dropped something into the silence.

“I knew I bonded with Steve the first time I met him. He was trying to beat up some kid like three times his size.”

Sam chuckled, “Sounds like Steve”.

“Good to know the mook hasn't changed too much. Well anyway, we were in the second grade. I managed to sock the other guy in his nose. You know what Steve said? ‘I coulda done that!’”

Sam started to giggle, Bucky does too, feeling it through him. “He couldn't have! So I told him that and he got all cranky about it. Then he remembered his manners and shook my hand. It was like the world exploded around us. Felt good. We both got scared out of our minds, knowing what was happening, so we ran. The next day I saw Steve at school again. He asked me to follow him around to an alley after the last bell of the day had rang. I did. All he wanted to do was touch my hand, but I felt it again. He did too. We knew.”

“What did you do about it?”

“Absolutely nothing public of course but we spent all our time together. Had sleepovers on the weekend and curled up around each other just to feel good. We kept doing it even when we were too old to. His mom found us there one day, lying in bed snuggled up.”

“What did she say?”

“She looked between us and said how sorry she was that we were bonded. Steve had gotten all mad and asked her why she would be sorry about that. She said, ‘because you'll never be able to do anything about it.’ And it was true, we couldn't.”

He paused for a while, just remembering. “We could be a bit more open about it at his house after that. We could sit and listen to music with our legs brushing. He could lay in my lap when he wasn't feeling well. If he wasn't too sick I would come over and sleep with him if he had a fever. Then when I was 17 and he was 16 my mom asked me why I wasn't dating. So I knew I had to start.”

“Did you find anyone you liked?”

“Sure,” Bucky said. “I made time with plenty of girls, made time with Steve too. It felt like living a double life in a way. I would take these girls dancing and rush home to feel even better with Steve.”

“Did the serum change anything?” Sam starts.

“I can't really remember, but I do remember when Steve was nearby feeling everything so strongly. I'm sure you've felt that with Steve. How much he feels everything.”

“Well,” Sam said with a smile, “both of you are super soldiers so I don't quite know any different.” 

Bucky huffed a laugh, “True. But Steve’s...he's always been so much. He has so much inside him. It makes sense that he'd need two of us to handle him.”

Sam laughed, “He misses you so much you know.”

Bucky sighs, “I miss him too. All the time. It hurts.”

“That's how it felt after we first touched on the helicarrier for me. Every day I woke up with this void in my chest. That's how Steve’s been feeling since he woke up from the ice.” It's meant to sting Bucky a little, to make him think about what he's doing. With the way Bucky’s arms tighten around him, Sam’s sure it works.

In the morning Bucky woke him up with lazy kisses to the back of his neck. It escalated and Bucky pressed into Sam just like that, with them both laying on their sides. Later, Sam climbed on top of him and straddled his thighs as he rolled and rocked his hips over Bucky. It's impossibly good, but Sam can't stop wondering what it would be like to have Steve here too.

Steve called him around lunch. It's just a voice phone call, but he put it on speaker so Bucky can hear his voice, his laugh. Bucky’s eyes widened and he clutched onto Sam’s hand so hard it hurt. 

He was shaking even after Sam ended the call. “See?” Sam said, soothing Bucky’s hair with his fingers, “See how good we could all feel?”

They fell asleep together, naked and with as much skin touching as possible. When Bucky thought he was asleep Sam heard him quietly mumble out an “I love you.” And Sam felt it to his toes. 

Sam woke the next morning to a cold bed. As soon as he opened his eyes he felt that aching pain again in his soul. Bucky was gone. Sam had grown angry at that. How dare he just leave? Leave them both? Sam spilled hot angry tears down his cheeks as he finished packing his things. He only ended up bringing his most personal possessions, too desperate to get back to Steve to care about the rest.

 

Sam and Steve grew impossibly closer as they worked on the Avengers team together. Fighting alongside Steve felt like an extension of his own body. He could feel when Steve got nervous or when he knew they had their enemies where they wanted them. Sam and Steve became a unit. They ate together, spent time together and tried their hardest to push their need for Bucky down. Steve came into Sam’s bed every night. They'd strip down to either nothing or just underwear and press themselves close. They'd make love, because there wasn't any other word for it. Colors would explode behind Sam’s eyes as Steve would press into him. He didn't think about Bucky, but could feel whenever Steve did. 

The worst part about being not just bonded, but having sex with someone you had to work so closely with was on the occasion that either Steve or Sam would get an urge or the desire to be with each other so strongly that the other would feel it. Sam remembers having to sit through a meeting or two knowing that Steve was sitting next to him, hard and aching inside his uniform. It surely didn't make it easy, but it made the feverish and often partially-clothed sex after the meeting was done just that more fun and intense.

Steve didn't want to tell the other Avengers and Sam agreed. They all knew that Sam and Steve were together, even though it was unspoken most of the time. None of the other Avengers had a soul bond that Sam knew of, actually no one else that Sam knew outside of his own family had a soul bond. People spoke of it as a fleeting thought, or wish. They wondered what it would be like. Sam thought about how he would describe it if he was ever asked. He would tell the person that it felt like your entire body was engulfed in a warm, happy feeling. He would tell them that almost every bad feeling went away when you were with the person you bonded with. He would tell them that it was the best feeling in the entire world, because it was. But then Sam would always think about Bucky, their missing piece. So Sam figured he would tell them about how much it could hurt too. Luckily, no one ever asked.

 

Wanda figured it out first, probably read it on them. She had cornered them in the training room one morning. 

“You two are bonded.” She sounded surprised.

“Yes we are.” Steve said. Sam liked Wanda, but didn't know her as well as Steve did. If Steve wanted to tell her, then that was a decision he trusted.

“There is someone else missing from your bond. I can feel you both missing him.”

Steve closed his eyes at that and breathed heavily, collecting himself. Wanda continued. “I hope you find him soon.”

Sam threaded his fingers through Steve’s and gave them a squeeze. “We do too.”

 

Then came Lagos. Then came The Accords. Then somehow, came Bucky.

“Do you remember me?” Sam heard Steve ask him in that tiny apartment in Romania.

“You're Steve,” Bucky said, “I read about you in the museum.” And he was lying. Why the hell was he lying?

Sam figured out why and why Bucky had told him that he had to not be around them to protect them, when Bucky threw him across the room by his face.

“Just like that we’re supposed to be cool?” Sam asked Steve when Bucky was trapped in the vice. Sam knew how Steve felt, the three of them all in the same room together. He felt it too, the rightness of his soul, the warmth of his entire body. He wanted to give into it, but he was mad and betrayed and why the hell hadn't Bucky told him about the trigger words so long ago? If he had, maybe none of this would be happening right now. 

Bucky told them both about Siberia, about the other super soldiers and after that Sam had broken. He went to Bucky and hugged him so tightly Bucky’s breath left him with an ‘oof’. Steve came up beside them both and wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist and placed his head on Bucky’s shoulder. “I missed you, Bucky.” Steve told him.

Bucky didn't respond. Sam said, “If you had told me about this in DC none of this shit would be happening.”

“I'm sorry.” Bucky said. Sam felt his guilt, knew that he was but it didn't make him any less mad.

Sam had watched as Bucky pulled away enough to trap Steve’s lips in a kiss, their first one in over 70 years. He watched as their bodies melted into each other. He reached out for them both, placing a hand on Bucky’s hip and Steve’s shoulder. He felt it then too, how right, how good. He felt Bucky’s energy mixing with Steve’s for the first time inside him. He felt his soul warm and click into place. He was still livid at Bucky, for hurting them both, for running, for not asking Sam for help months and months ago when they had so much at their disposal, but he also felt that he could never let this go again. It might kill him to try.

He knew he was being petty, maybe even a little silly when he told Bucky ‘I hate you’ after that spider-kid had webbed them both to the ground. 

“You don't.” Bucky had said, struggling to get his arm free from the web. 

“I don't.” Sam replied, and when Bucky finally broke free and freed Sam too, he couldn't help but lean in and kiss him quickly. When Bucky raised an eyebrow at him Sam had shrugged and said, “For luck.”

It was less than 48 hours after they had initially seen Bucky when Sam found himself locked inside a supermax underwater prison. He knew that Steve and Bucky were still alive. He could feel it as he pace. He could feel it as they tried to pry information about where Steve and Bucky were out of him by any means necessary. He could feel it when he gave their location finally to Tony Stark. He could feel it, as Steve stepped forward out of the darkness with that damn smirk on his face.

Bucky was in Wakanda, Steve told him. Steve told him about his arm, about Tony, about Tony's parents. Sam felt Steve’s blue as Steve laced their fingers together. He was sure he couldn't be giving off anything much better. He was tired and ached to his bones. All he wanted was a shower, a change of clothes and Bucky and Steve beside him in a warm bed. When he told Steve that, he received a smile and a promise that they could make it happen.

T’Challa let them all spend one night in Wakanda and they were all forever grateful. When Bucky had seen him for the first time, he swooped Sam up close to him and let out a shuddering breath. “I'm sorry.” He told Sam.

“Take me to bed.” Is all that Sam said in return. They had, with Steve picking Sam up bridal style for everyone to see. Sam had laughed and Bucky had whooped as they carried Sam to their designated room for the night. 

Steve laid him out gently on the big, soft bed. It wasn't firm enough for Sam’s taste, but with Bucky and Steve next to him, it would do.

Bucky set the tone, laying out next to Sam and caressing his face and kissing his lips slowly, softly. “I never want anything to happen to you again.” He said. 

Steve lay on Sam’s other side and reached around over Sam’s body to touch Bucky’s hip. He pressed his face in Sam’s neck and placed a soft kiss there. “We love you.” He told Sam. Bucky hummed in agreement.

Sam smiled and rested his forehead against Bucky’s temple. He took a moment to just be, to feel the two men his soul loved around him. Bucky started to giggle after a while. Eventually Steve and Sam did too and when Sam finally got it together enough to ask Bucky what was so funny, Bucky told him, “For once it's you that stinks.”

So Steve and Bucky brought him to the shower in their room then. Bucky undressed him slowly as Steve got the water nice and warm. Bucky let Steve undress him. Sam wondered if Bucky could have done it himself with just his right arm. Sam figured he could have, but it sure was a nice sight to see Steve undressing Bucky all the same. They stood Sam in the middle of them under the spray. Steve soaped up a washcloth with something that smelled like clean linen and fresh powder. Bucky gave Sam a nice, deep kiss before turning him so that his back was against Bucky’s chest. Sam let his head fall back against Bucky shoulder, let Bucky kiss his cheek and neck and grip his hip to keep him still. He let Steve wash along his chest and arms. He felt Bucky hard against his ass and saw Steve’s dick fattening up with every bit of Sam's skin that he touched.

Steve washed in-between Sam’s legs gently, cupping Sam’s own hard dick in his hand. When Sam let out a choked groan, Steve used the soap and water to stroke him. With Bucky behind him whispering dirty sweet nothings into his ear and Steve in front of him, working him so, so nicely and looking up at Sam with his big, blue earnest eyes it didn't take long for Sam to come at all. 

Sam let Steve dry him off and the three of them laid back down in the bed. Bucky and Steve were still hard and wanting him. Sam felt want surge through his own veins at the feeling of being bracketed in between Steve and Bucky both. Steve opened him up slowly as Bucky kissed and licked into his mouth. They told Sam how beautiful he was, how much they wanted him, how good he was and how good he made them both feel. Bucky fucked him so good, sliding into him and gripping his hips. Sam laid his head on Steve’s lap and sucked him down the best he could until it all became too much and his orgasmed crashed down around him. Bucky followed shortly after with a groan of Sam’s name. With a gentle shove he pushed Sam to the side and Sam watched as Bucky sucked Steve into his mouth, licking him up and down. Steve wrapped his fingers in Bucky’s hair and came with a sweet little sigh. 

They cleaned off and returned to the bed, still naked but satisfied and content. Sam lay in the middle with Steve on one side and Bucky on the other. Bucky reached over Sam’s hip to lace his fingers together with Steve’s. Sam fell asleep first, feeling so right and so good. God it felt so good.

The next day the three of them shipped off along with Clint, Wanda and Scott to two separate safe houses that Steve and Natasha had located. Both were stateside. Steve, Bucky and Sam’s safe house was just inside the Canadian border in Washington State. It was a tiny cabin-like building. It looked old and run down. Sam wasn't thrilled to find out that it actually was. 

“We should fix it up,” Steve suggested while pressing a kiss to Sam’s forehead, so that became their new mission.

It was good. They were good, all together, all correct for the first time in their lives. At least that's what Sam told himself, since facing the reality of the nasty underbelly of it it all was too much for him most of the time. 

The nightmares from their lives didn't leave them alone, but for whatever reason they seemed to rotate rough nights, almost predictably. First it would be Sam, then Steve, then Bucky. Whoever’s turn it was to have a rough night ended up in the middle of the other two, blanketed by warmth and love and smothered in kisses. It was the best they could offer each other. Having your soul feel good didn't erase all the other pain. 

There were things that Sam pretended not to see, however. Things that just plain sucked. Bucky’s hand always had a tremor. It got worse when they left the house, when he got more anxious. He often spent hours silent and in his head. Steve lacked the pep in his step that had been present in their entire relationship thus far. He slept a lot more than Sam ever knew him to. At first he thought Steve was just taking advantage of having the time off, until it became apparent that it was something deep and festering inside of him. And Sam, well Sam was just _trying._

They had been working hard on the cabin. Steve and Bucky cut down enough trees to redo the flooring where it was rotting. Sam and Bucky had gone into the closest town and found some furniture for cheap. It started to take shape and transform into a home- their home. 

Natasha came to visit about a month after they all moved it. Sam remembers how she had taken two steps inside and laughed. 

“You fuckers are soul-bonded!” She said, “I can't believe I never noticed it before!”

“How can you tell?” Sam asked.

She had shrugged, “I'm trained to look out for the signs. This entire cabin is practically glowing.” She had given another fond chuckle, “Anyway, who wants to hear the latest goings on?”

Natasha had filled them in over sandwiches and homemade iced tea. Tony had reached out to her to try to get a location for the three of them. She had covered for them and was here to talk to Steve about what he thought. Steve’s shoulders lost the straightness that they had gained when Natasha had come into the house and he deflated and the mere mention of Tony. Bucky and Steve have both only skimmed over the final fight between the two men. Sam honestly believes that Bucky can't remember it with his brain being thrown into shock from losing his arm, but he knows Steve does. Whatever happened must have been brutal and horrid enough to not just have Steve refuse to recount the whole story (or insist that he is stubbornly) but to have him crying out ‘Tony, no’ and ‘Tony, I'm sorry’ in his sleep more often than not. 

“Don't tell him yet.” Steve managed to mumble.

Natasha had eyed him thoroughly and nodded, “you tell me when.” 

The mood had lifted after that and she had given the three of them a cell phone to use. On her way out of the house after getting a kiss from Sam and Steve, she paused when she took Bucky's hand in a friendly shake. “You need to listen to the voicemails on that phone, Barnes.” She instructed, and with a flip of red hair over her shoulder she was gone.

Bucky told Steve about the voicemails first. Sam knew that whatever it was wasn't good. He felt the mood in the house shift. He felt Steve’s anguish wash over him like a wave, felt it drag him out to sea right along with Steve. Tears involuntarily stung at the corners of his eyes when Steve started to sob in the other room. Sam knuckled at his eyes and then let himself get mad. He lets the anger that whatever Bucky’s doing is hurting Steve, their Steve who's just been trying _so hard_ to keep afloat and not only would it hurt Steve but Bucky was sure to hurt _Sam too_. And Sam was so damn tired of Bucky hurting him. Sam set his jaw and clenched his fists and stomped with purpose into the bedroom where Steve and Bucky were talking. 

He opens the door to find Steve with his head in Bucky’s lap. Tears were streaming freely down his face while Bucky rubbed long strokes down his shoulder and arm.

“What are you going to do now?” Sam said, folding his arms and spreading his stance.

Steve choked a sob and clutched onto Bucky’s thigh harder.

“The voicemail,” he paused to lean down and give Steve a kiss on his wet cheek. “It was from T’Challa. He's offering me a chance to be worked on by his team. Remove the trigger words.”

Sam furrowed his brow and tried to will away the tears that Steve’s strong emotions had brought him. “So why is Steve crying then?”

“Because I have to put myself in cryo so they can do it.”

Sam laughed, bitter and furious, “You're kidding, right?”

Bucky just looked to the floor. 

“He's leaving, Sam.” Steve whimpered and Sam can't breathe with the need to touch Bucky- them both, all of a sudden, so he rushes over to him and sat himself next to Bucky on the bed. He's leaving them again. Sam leaned heavily into Bucky’s shoulder and grabbed for Steve’s hand. The three of them all weep, blue blue blue.

When Sam and Steve wake up in the morning, they're not surprised to find Bucky already gone. 

It's been six months now, Sam still gets fleeting feelings of it in his dreams. The brush of skin against skin, long hair in his fingers, stubble against his cheek. He gets the feeling of how things were back then, for those short few months. He remembers what it was like for his soul to feel complete.

It hit Steve the hardest, his bond with Bucky being the strongest and oldest. Having Bucky back in their lives was like sliding aching muscles into a warm bath. It was like taking off your pants when you get in the house after a long day. With both Sam and Bucky in his life, Steve’s soul slid home. Steve had never felt more at peace. Having him gone again was pure agony

Steve slept for most of the day now, only Sam outright begging him causing him to get up. Sam’s weakened by the empty pain in his chest but doesn't let himself rest, spends his days finding ways to make the house look even nicer.

“You know,” he whispers into the freckled skin on Steve’s shoulder one morning, “he's going to come back.”

Steve’s blue eyes flutter open and for a second Sam feels warmth come from Steve. “I know.” Then Steve’s face falls and he tucks his face back into the pillow again.

“We need help.” Sam tells him as they're wrapped up in each other again. They still always sleep in the nude, still enjoy the feeling of their skin touching. 

“I don't think I can be helped.” Steve says, his face crumpling up from the truth of it.

Sam wipes a tear that’s made its way down his cheek, “I'm not sure if I care to even try.”

“He's coming back.” Sam says, more to himself as he and Steve stare at the fireplace while on the couch. He grips Steve’s chin in his hands and kisses him hard enough that maybe they’ll both believe it. 

 

When they wake Bucky up, it's T’Challa who greets him. He explains that they've been successful. He explains that Bucky’s free. He recites the trigger words at Bucky until they're both grinning. Bucky thanks him for what feels like hours. T’Challa says Bucky can repay him by getting the hell out of his country and going home. Bucky agrees.

When he gets home, the first thing he feels is blue. Bucky steadies himself outside the front door. It's new, painted a delicious cherry red. It looks like Sam had painted it, the streaks are too uneven to be Steve’s.

Bucky finds the door unlocked. He steps inside the house and is smacked in the face by the sad, blue feeling that overwhelms him. He doesn’t call out, just follows the feeling straight into the bedroom. Sam and Steve are wrapped up in each other’s arms in a bed that looks too big for just the two of them, a bed that’s missing him. He quickly takes off his clothes and climbs in behind Sam.

Sam stirs and furrows his brow before he opens his eyes. They harden at first, showing Bucky that the guilt he’s been feeling about leaving the two of them is justified and then they soften. 

“Bucky, you came back.” Sam says, astonished, relieved. 

Bucky kisses him, loving the way his lips tingle when they meet Sam’s, loving the way his chest feels right again. 

Sam’s words wake up Steve who’s leaning over Sam in an instant to cradle Bucky’s face in his hands. 

“Never again, you hear me? You fucked us up. You fucked us up.”

Bucky feels his face crumble. Steve moves over so that Bucky can slide in between them. Sam and Steve both wrap their arms around him. Bucky knows they should be talking, he should be apologizing but instead he takes a while to just breathe them in and feel as the house grows warm again. It starts with their bed, then fills their room, the eventually everything is orangey good and so warm and right. Bucky knows at this moment that he's never leaving them again. This is where they all belong. 

He smiles against Sam’s shoulder and feels Steve sigh happily against him. It looks like they have the rest of their lives together after all. They have plenty of time to figure it all out.


End file.
